Right after I got engaged, planned our wedding, got married, went back to school, started a business, had a baby, got a promotion and began writing a blog (are you tired yet? Cuz I am!) I began to think about the pursuit of balance. How do I balance all the things I can’t afford to give up? And if I do, will it equal happiness? Balance has been the ultimate struggle, so I started to think about the rest of my friends and how they are managing. I have realized we don’t really talk about our struggles and wondered: Are we simply programmed as women to juggle it all in silence or is everyone else doing just fine?
Well let me tell you something, if I remotely appear like I have it together it’s all an optical illusion, girlfriends! So here are my two cents on the real truth about being a woman in your 30s in today’s world, my truth anyhow. Maybe if we all shed some light on how not together our shit is, we’ll be a little easier on ourselves.
First let me tell you the freeing, life changing secret about Balance: There isn’t any! Or at least there won’t be for quite a bit. Let’s be a little easier on ourselves and each other. Being in our 30’s means something very different these days. The truth is we are mostly juggling a million things and trying to meet expectations we and others put on ourselves. We are trying to save for the home we have on our Pinterest board, while paying debt from the party we threw from our other Pinterest board. We are trying that new diet so we look like those other moms on social media, except we are drinking sugar filled “coladas” because we are tired, oh so tired!
I, like many women in their 30’s and new moms, am dealing with figuring out the best way to do it all. I am trying to be a good mom, while being the best wife (and failing many times). This stage in my life means realizing what’s really important and aiming to live with purpose. It means keeping my full time job so I can support my family, while spreading myself too thin so I can pursue my passion. Being a woman is hard enough, and let’s be real, we’re fucking bad asses, THAT we must not forget! (just thought I would throw this in mid-post) ;).
The truth is, some days I struggle to get to work with a happy face after a long night with a sick baby. This also means googling my life away at 2am and scaring myself half to death after reading just a little too much. Not only am I tired, but I am guilty. Guilt is another word for motherhood. I feel guilty about letting her watch too much tv because I feel like I am frying her brain. Yet it is so necessary to get a few minutes to be productive, right?! I feel guilty when she cries because I have to leave or when I am gone for a full day because I am working on multiple careers. I even feel guilty when I get home and she runs towards me with a huge smile on her face because I know how much she needs me and misses me. Not to mention the guilt about not giving your husband and friends the time you wish you could dedicate to them. I feel guilty I can’t spend enough time with my family because on my day off I just want to stay home and enjoy a “relaxing” day. Anyway, you get the idea!
Our generation has to decide whether to have a wedding or buy a house because it’s almost impossible to do both. Once you are married with kids all the decision making comes in. Should we have a second baby? When? Can we afford 2 Daycare bills? Should we only feed them organic foods? Do we let them cry it out? Public or private school? This is just the half of it. We are all dealing with growing up in a very different time. So we have 2 options: We live in an overwhelmed state, (which we all will live in at some point) or we try to shift gears. I feel like this is a crucial time to shift gears away from the material goals and try to feed ourselves with simpler joys.
In the world of posting the highlight reel of our lives on your instagram feeds, sometimes we forget that we are all human and more similar than we think. And remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. If you’re 30 and single, enjoy your freedom and time with yourself, it really is a beautiful time to experience anything you want without being held back. One day you may have a husband and a baby that will consume most of your time. When that day comes and your baby and husband leave you no time for yourself, remember one day that baby will go off to college and you’ll miss how much they used to need you. Every stage is precious in it’s own way, we just need to slow down enough to realize it.
Anyway, this is what I vow to do (and you should too!): Go on more date nights, attempt to simplify my life by cutting back, take a break from social media, say goodbye to the negative people in my life, take a PTO just so I can sleep, lower my expectations, and remember that everyone else is losing their shit to some degree. Living in the now is soimportant. I am so guilty of stressing about the deadlines that are approaching and the goals I want to reach that sometimes I miss the now. I will definitely miss a time when my daughter had what we call “mom-itis” along with many other stages. I will miss waking up to feet in my face, trips to Disney and tickle sessions.
So what’s the point of my rant? To share with women and moms who are way too hard on themselves that is it OK to have bad days. No one has it down packed. Be easy and yourselves and each other!
Thanks for stopping by!